This client is a coach who helps people on the spiritual path engage in sexual and romantic relationships from a place of higher consciousness. I’ve always been a spiritual person myself and regularly practice meditation, so I was an ideal candidate to ghostwrite his book. His goal was to create a book he could give to clients and prospective clients to use as a marketing tool.
After a few initial meetings to ensure I understood his unique talking points and perspectives, I created an outline for the book. He approved the outline and I moved forward with the writing. I regularly met with him throughout the process to ensure I was getting his message right, and that he was completely happy with the process. He was! He recently told me he still receives compliments on it.
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We’ve worked with many people—both single and partnered—who are seeking a deeper, more spiritually aligned experience of sex and relationship.
Again and again, a common theme emerges: as people grow in consciousness, they often experience discontent, confusion, or even pain in their sexual love relationships. It can feel as though everything they once understood about sex and love is somehow off—or there’s a persistent, aching sense that something essential is missing. Either way, they can’t seem to find a true path toward deeply meaningful sexual love.
Most approaches to conscious sexuality (including many tantric practices) sincerely address the symptoms of this experience. Yet the deeper source of the distress often remains unexamined.
This struggle shows up in many forms:
● “My partner and I have tried conscious relationship coaching, but the tools just seem to reinforce our old patterns.”
● “Sex is fine… but I keep sensing it could be so much more, and I don’t know how to access that.”
● “I don’t think I’ll ever find a partner I truly feel equal with.”
● “It must be some kind of karmic pattern I’m repeating.”
This is not an isolated phenomenon.
Culturally, sex is usually understood as a way to express love, exchange pleasure, build intimacy, and perhaps create children. Some belief systems go so far as to claim that procreation is the sole purpose of sexuality.
But sex is far more than that.
Sexuality is a primal force woven into the fabric of the universe itself. Across mythologies, some of the most powerful gods and goddesses wielded sexual energy as a creative force. There’s a reason Aphrodite rose first from the sea in Greek mythology—she wasn’t an afterthought. She stood at the center.
Without the power behind sexuality, nothing would exist. It is a motivating, generative force flowing through all of creation—and that includes you.
You are not excluded from this equation. The universe did not forget you. In fact, it is calling you now to remember.
At the root of the problem is the narrow, mundane understanding of sex we’ve inherited—an understanding shaped largely by thoughts, fears, unmet needs, memories, and unexamined ideals.
This is an ego-based understanding: one that is often cut off from the larger intelligence of the universe, and therefore inherently limited.
Human consciousness is undergoing a profound paradigm shift, and intimate relationships are often where this shift becomes most visible—especially when sex is resisted or misunderstood. What we’re facing is a movement beyond our current ego-based model of sexual love.
Simply put, this is a radical shift in how we experience sex, sexuality, and partnership. It is both deeply profound and entirely natural—and it represents the future of sex, love, and relating.
By ego-based, we mean being fully identified with the mind—its thoughts, emotions, stories, and self-image. An ego-identified mind believes it is its thoughts and feelings, and often struggles to sense a larger self that exists beyond memories, fears, and unmet needs.
If we’re on a genuine spiritual path—actively engaging with our own consciousness—it makes sense that an ego-based experience of sexual love will eventually feel unsatisfying. The ego limits the depth and breadth of our experience, and nowhere is this harder to recognize than in sex and relationship.
Imagine a professional ballroom dancer who suffers a blow to the head and develops amnesia. He no longer remembers that he’s a dancer. One night, he attends a party where people are moving awkwardly on the dance floor—off-rhythm, untrained, perhaps a little drunk—and he tries to join in.
Something about it feels important. Familiar. Meaningful. Yet the way everyone is dancing feels wrong to him, even though he can’t explain why. Eventually, he decides that dancing just isn’t for him—or resigns himself to feeling clumsy and out of place, haunted by a vague longing for something more.
You are the dancer.
Sexual love is the dance.
And what most people are doing on the floor is the ego’s interpretation of it.
Of course it doesn’t feel right to you!
